If you are familiar with the American self-help world, you might have encountered the “let them” theory, inspired by the book of the same name by motivational speaker Mel Robbins. I seem to come across this mantra whenever I tune in to my favorite podcasts and visit popular websites. Everywhere I look, people are advocating the idea of allowing others to simply be, promoting it as a path to emotional peace and stronger relationships. While often framed as a new approach, this philosophy actually echoes something many Buddhists—particularly those with a Zen focus—have practiced for centuries: a timeless, almost devil-may-care attitude to life, but cradled by wisdom and compassion.
In fact, another book with a similar message was released late last year: How to Let Things Go (Penguin Life 2024) by bestselling Zen Buddhist author Shunmyo Masuno. A modern-day Dharma “Renaissance man,” Masuno juggles multiple roles, serving as the head priest of a Zen temple in Japan, an award-winning Zen garden designer, and a lecturer at prestigious universities. He is therefore well-placed to offer advice on how to keep things simple amid the increasing expectations of today’s world. His book, which contains 99 lessons on the art of letting go, is perfectly designed for modern readers, with an easy-to-digest format that fits neatly on a smartphone screen. Akin to a pocket Dhammapada or Bible, it provides inspirational and practical lessons for navigating social media, relationships, careers, and personal growth.
Masuno emphasizes that in today’s era of social media, email, and constant notifications, the act of letting go is more crucial than ever. Overwhelmed by an endless stream of information, we have become preoccupied with other people’s lives, often at the expense of our own peace of mind. This bombardment of stimuli fosters perpetual distraction and unnecessary involvement, making us “nosier” and more obsessed with external events. Masuno argues that the ability to let go and forget is essential for regaining control over our thoughts and energy, offering a form of self-preservation that allows us to step back, focus on what truly matters, and protect our mental well-being amid the chaos of contemporary life.
At times, Masuno’s advice can feel surprising, even strikingly cold, with its unflinching laid-back attitude. He consistently encourages readers to adopt a sense of “detachment,” which may remind some of the historical criticisms of Buddhism as being overly indifferent or selfish. For example, if you feel misunderstood by a spouse, family member, or friend, Masuno advises you to let it go: no one will ever fully understand you, and you can’t fully understand others. If a colleague irritates you, he suggests tuning them out, pointing out that you can’t always choose your professional relationships so it’s best to approach them practically. And if you’re tirelessly working to overcome your weaknesses, Masuno counsels accepting them as they are and redirecting your focus toward your strengths instead.
In these moments, Masuno’s message might seem stark, yet it highlights a deeply practical approach to life; one that encourages us to let go of unnecessary emotional investment in order to preserve our peace and energy. This philosophy isn’t just about reducing stress; it’s rooted in the fundamental Buddhist teachings of impermanence, dependent origination, and non-self, which remind us that everything is temporary and not solely dependent on our actions.
As Masuno wisely declares, most things will work themselves out whether or not we are involved. It truly is okay to let some things go. For many of us who have spent significant time obsessing over our impact on the world, this notion can be difficult to swallow. However, the truth remains undeniable: acceptance is key to reclaiming our emotional well-being and freeing ourselves from the burden of constant involvement in things beyond our control.
And the wonderful thing is that when we release our hold on external expectations, the innate qualities celebrated by Buddhism, compassion, wisdom and equanimity, begin to emerge naturally. By letting go of our need for control and ceasing to fight against the flow of life, we create room for a more peaceful, centered existence, fostering deeper, more meaningful connections. We become attuned to our own values while embracing those of others, recognizing and appreciating the unique qualities in people without feeling the need to separate ourselves from them. The world no longer feels divided into right and wrong; instead, it becomes a vibrant celebration of its diversity.
In this sense, the practice of letting go is anything but passive; it offers a radical way of existing amid the incessant pull of the digital world and the pervasive trend of polarization. Letting go isn’t about withdrawing from life but about engaging more fully with it, free from the weight of unnecessary attachments and expectations. In this way, it becomes not just a method for surviving the chaos, but a path to thriving within it.
Nina Müller is a Mindfulness Teacher who offers online mindfulness coaching sessions. If you would like to find out more, please visit The Mindful Practice to book a complimentary consultation.
References
Masuno, Shunmyo. 2024. How to Let Things Go: 99 Tips from a Zen Buddhist Monk to Relinquish Control and Free Yourself Up for What Matters. New York: Penguin Life.
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Very nice book review, well written, and the right length. I would be interested in buying this book.