In a book series I used to read, one character would occasionally say to the other, “May you live in interesting times.” This was understood as a curse, where interesting times implied chaos and difficulty. Well, we do live in interesting times. Don’t we always?
These days, you may find yourself coming to terms with the rising and falling of things. Hopefully, with this, you also accept that many aspects of life are outside of your control. How can we find balance and peace amid the external chaos in the world?
Equanimity will help you. I don’t mean finding a way to feel apathetic about impermanence; I’m referring to fostering a special kind of love—a way of loving without bias, prejudice, or discrimination. Can you perceive the rising and falling of things and ideas from a place of calm? Can you love without anxiety or reactivity? Wait a minute, love what? Love chaos, uncertainty, and actions of which you don’t approve. Now that is a tall order for most of us humans!
A useful understanding is that upekkha, the Pali word that we translate as equanimity, can also be translated as to see or to see over: to see an entire situation without bias, to observe without being caught up in what we see. That seems handy these days, right?
You may have lost your job, or you may be afraid that you’ll lose your job, or your house has burned to the ground, or floods or ice storms have wrought havoc. Equanimity doesn’t mean ignoring these things or pretending that nothing is happening. It doesn’t mean being unprepared. It doesn’t mean adopting the view that, because you are practicing Buddhism, you will not be impacted by what is going on around you. Equanimity helps you to act from a place of centeredness and calm.
Well-developed equanimity does keep you centered in the midst of how things are. When you can see your situation without bias, you can be more strategic and effective in your response. To respond to impermanence and the rising and falling of things successfully and efficiently is not reflective of the wisdom behind developing equanimity. It is reflective of my thoughts as a human seeking to find balance during difficult times. So often, my thoughts are around remaining calm in order to maintain the resilience to do the work to support the causes in which I believe.
Now, all of this is true even if you don’t live in a situation where you think you are fighting for your democracy or the rights of yourself or others. Sometimes, it just feels like life is throwing stuff at you. And it’s weakening you. I recall when, after losing the two people I was closest to within five days, my friends told me I was good. As in, now nothing else difficult would happen to me. Because why would karma throw anything else at me? But we don’t know; there are no promises or guarantees.
Build your strength. Increase your ability to take what karma throws at you and to accept it as calmly as possible. There will be wobbles. By wobbles, I mean moments where you feel freaked out, or mad, or sad, or frightened, or apathetic, or any of those things and more. I’m struck by an odd analogy: if you watch sports, let’s say baseball or American football, there’s this moment when the ball is in the air. It’s coming toward your favorite team member, and you don’t know if he or she is going to make this catch. It’s not an easy catch. This is a difficult play. And you see your team member reach out. You see the ball in his or her hand. For a split second, this could go either way, catch or drop. But he or she makes the catch. And the reason that he or she makes the catch is all of the practice, all of the training that has come before this moment on the field.
Equanimity and having the wobbles means that you are the player, the ball is coming your way. You are confident that you can make the catch. As you grab the ball, there is a moment where you feel it slipping out of your hands. But then you have it. With equanimity, this trying situation occurs. Something difficult happens. And upsetting emotions start to surface. Then you take a deep breath, and you can acknowledge that this thing has happened. Since we are speaking about equanimity and not sports, it might take more than a deep breath. It may take time on the cushion. Or a walk out in nature, a call to a friend, or a moment with your furry four-legged friend. That’s your practice. That’s your training. Keep with it. Don’t let anything deter you from the path. As the Buddha says: life is short, practice ardently.
In this sports equanimity analogy, I mentioned a difficult play. But guess what? Sometimes, the easy play, the easy catch, is missed. To the shock and dismay of the fans, the play is flubbed. Some days, a relatively minor thing might cause you to lose your cool. You miss the green light. You drop your coffee. Nothing life life-changing, yet somehow you let it take control of your emotions.
In his famous quote, Anton Chekhov delivers a profound insight into the human experience by stating: “Any idiot can face a crisis. It’s day-to-day living that wears you out.”
The theory is that we can all rise to the occasion when faced with difficulty. When faced with a life-altering event, we can tap into hidden reserves of courage, determination, and strength. But the monotony of everyday life gradually erodes our energy and enthusiasm, leading to weariness and exhaustion. So, on the field, your player pulls on all of his or her strength to make that difficult catch. And then misses the easy play.
If faced with a crisis every day, you might weaken. But it doesn’t always have to wear you out. Back to my sports analogy, you will not catch every ball. But you can approach each play, each ball that is tossed your way, from a place of equanimity.
We live in interesting times. Take care of yourself. Take care of your loved ones. And help to take care of those who are unprotected. Work on your equanimity so that you can do all this from a place of calm. This will help you keep your focus. This will help you keep and build your resilience. And remember to pace yourself.
See more
Margaret Meloni: Death Dhamma
The Death Dhamma Podcast (Margaret Meloni)
Related features from BDG
Contemplating Caterpillars and Metamorphosis
Get Your Death Ducks in a Row
Beyond Attachment: Understanding Clinging Versus Caring
Related videos from BDG
The Death Dhamma Podcast Season 1
The Death Dhamma Podcast Season 2
The Death Dhamma Podcast Season 3
The Death Dhamma Podcast Season 4
The Death Dhamma Podcast Season 5
