Beginner’s Mind is a special project collecting insightful essays written by US college students who have attended experiential-learning courses related to Buddhism. Some of the authors identify as Buddhists, for others it is their first encounter with the Buddhadharma. All are sharing reflections and impressions on what they’ve learned, how it has impacted their lives, and how they might continue to engage with the teaching.
Zhuoxi (Cecelia) Li wrote this essay for her Buddhist Modernism course at the University of Southern California. Cecelia is a junior majoring in applied and computational mathematics.
Awake – Returning to the World with Clarity and Compassion
Before taking this class, I thought that Buddhism was about finding peace. I imagined meditation, breathing, and maybe some quiet philosophical insights. What I didn’t expect was to be challenged so deeply—not just intellectually, but ethically and emotionally. This course expanded my understanding of Buddhism from individual practice to a framework of social engagement, moral awareness, and collective healing.
When we introduced ourselves, I found it hard to describe who I am without some specific and defined labels. This discomfort reflected what I later came to understand as the self not being a fixed identity, but an ongoing process. The teachings of no-self and interdependence have led me to reflect on how much of my stress and anxiety comes from trying to define or control who I really am. Instead of seeking certainty, I learned to face uncertainty and to understand that my identity is shaped by relationships, actions, and circumstances.
One of the biggest things that I learned in class led me to rethink mindfulness. I used to see mindfulness as a tool to release stress, but this course made me realize that mindfulness is not just about feeling better; it allows me to see better. Mindfulness is about recognizing one’s own pain and the pain of others, and choosing to respond cautiously rather than seeking to avoid. I learned that meditation is not about disengaging from the world, instead it is about returning to the world with greater clarity and increased compassion.
When we talked in class about the Four Noble Truths in relation to racism and caste oppression, it changed my perspective on suffering. I used to think that suffering was a personal matter, but now I see that suffering is also part of the systems around us. I realized that injustice is not just something “out there;” it is a part of me even if I stay silent or do nothing. The class taught me that it is more important to be honest about my own pain, mistakes, and blind spots than to pretend to know everything.
I used to think of karma as a kind of moral system in which good or bad actions would eventually come back to us. However, this course showed me that karma is not simply about reward or punishment, karma is more about how our intentions and actions shape who we are. Karma is a reminder to pay attention to what I do and how it affects others. Because of this, I began paying more attention to my thoughts and reactions. I try to pause before I act when I feel upset. These are small steps, but they feel like the beginning of something meaningful.
This class also made me think about the kinds of knowledge we value most. We spend billions of dollars on neuroscience to study things like mindfulness, things that Buddhists have understood through practice for hundreds of years. It made me question why we tend to trust science more than experience. I started to realize that collecting more data is not always the answer. Maybe what we really need is not more facts, but more courage, flexibility, and connection.
As we explored topics such as the climate crisis, caste-based violence, gender injustice, and historical distortions of the Buddhist teachings, I realized that engaged Buddhism is not just about compassion. Instead, it is about resistance. Engaged Buddhism asks us to sit with discomfort, to confront power, and to act. I was especially moved by the way the reinterpretation of the Four Noble Truths was connected to caste. I learned that ending caste suffering begins with building deep connections across differences. Liberation is never solitary. It is mutual. I also began to see how Buddhist values could be a foundation for anti-racist and anti-caste work.
This class pushed me to begin participating in mutual aid projects and community work. These are not huge steps, but they are meaningful to me. They are how I have started turning reflection into motion. I no longer see mindfulness as self-care alone, it is also about relation and collection.
If I could redesign this course, I would love to include more creative modes of expression, such as writing, storytelling, and art, as ways to express what we are learning. I would also love to hear from more contemporary Buddhist voices from different cultural and social locations. What does it mean to meditate in different circumstances—maybe in a prison? I want to keep learning from people who practice Buddhism.
Looking forward, I hope to continue exploring how Buddhist values and mindfulness can support sustainable activism, compassionate education, and more inclusive communities. What particularly makes me interested is the deeper level at which Buddhist thought can support our mental health. It is not only a tool to relieve stress, but a way to rethink how we live and relate to others. Going forward, I hope to explore how to build a more caring system that is based on respect, balance, and shared humanity, rather than a system based on pressure and competition.
If I had to summarize this course in one word, it would be: “awake.”
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