In my previous article, we explored how Thích Nhất Hạnh’s first love was inseparable from his childhood experiences and monastic aspirations. At the age of 24, he fell in love with a 20-year-old nun at first sight. His love, however, did not actually begin at their first meeting.
Through the insights of interbeing and non-self, Thích Nhất Hạnh showed how this love story can be traced back to everything that had come before. These conditions included the Buddha image he saw, his brother becoming a monk, his experience of drinking from the well, and the nun’s own monastic path.
The moment he saw her, he recognized in her everything he had long cherished—his ideal of monastic life and his aspiration to bring Buddhism into society. His first love, therefore, had no beginning, because it was not separate from the many people, experiences, and conditions that had shaped their lives.
By revealing how love arises from countless conditions long before two people meet, Thích Nhất Hạnh turned this love story into a Dharma teaching. Seeing this can be transformative. As he said:
She has no beginning. The moment I understood that, she became transformed into something much more powerful. That seed of deep love is in every one of us. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
In this article, we will look at what he meant when he said that “she became transformed into something much more powerful.”
The transformation of his first love
At first, Thích Nhất Hạnh’s love for the nun involved attachment. As he described his feelings: “I knew that I loved her. I only wanted to be with her—to sit near her and contemplate her.” (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
There was also inner conflict: “How could we continue as a monk and a nun and still preserve this precious love?” (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
However, his bodhicitta and strong desire to practice as a monk had already begun to transform this love within a day. He explained:
Love has very much to do with bodhicitta. In my case, love had to do with the strong desire to become a monk, to practice for a whole generation and a whole society. In the beginning, there was attachment and inner conflict, but the conflict began to transform within twenty-four hours. On our second day together, already we talked only about continuing our practice as a monk and as a nun. Bodhicitta was our support and protection. Even the desire to knock on her door and ask her to come down to the sitting room to talk was overcome. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
While his monastic aspiration and practice had begun to transform his love, the attachment had not disappeared. After returning to his community in Saigon, he still experienced moments of loneliness and longing for the nun:
Ever since I’d met her at the Temple of Complete Awakening in the highlands and returned to my community in Saigon, there were times I just called her name softly to relieve my loneliness. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
Later, the nun left for Hanoi, at the other end of the country. Although their separation was difficult for both of them, it brought about a deeper transformation in their love:
With time and distance, we were able to grow, to see things differently, and our love became more mature. The element of attachment had lessened, allowing compassion and loving kindness to flower. Separation did not destroy our love. It strengthened it. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
The transformation of his love continued as he devoted himself to supporting the monastic community. His love for the nun gradually expanded beyond their personal relationship:
Over time, my love for her did not diminish, but it was no longer confined to one person. I was supporting hundreds of monks and nuns, and since that time we have become thousands, yet that love is still here, stronger and larger. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
His love for the nun continued to transform as he began to see her in the many monks and nuns he encountered. As he said:
During that time, my love for her was evolving. I began to see her everywhere. Every young monk and nun I encountered became a part of our love, and I felt that she, too, was a part of this transformation. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
The interbeing nature of his first love
Through these experiences, we can see how Thích Nhất Hạnh’s love for the nun gradually transformed. Not only did time and distance fail to diminish his love, it also became more mature, growing stronger and larger.
His monastic aspiration and practice had transformed this love from attachment and inner conflict into compassion and loving-kindness. With time and distance, he came to see that his first love was not confined to the nun, but was inseparable from all the monks and nuns he encountered.
This transformation reflects the insight of interbeing, which states that the “self” is made of non-self elements. (For more on this insight, see my earlier article, “Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Teaching of Interbeing.”)
In my previous article, we examined how his first love was not separate from the many people, experiences, and conditions that had shaped his life. Without these, this love story would not have happened. Thích Nhất Hạnh also pointed out that he himself was “made only of ‘non-me’ elements—the hermit, the Buddha, my mother, my brother, and her.” (Thích Nhất Hạnh) The nun, therefore, had become part of him, continuing to shape his life.
In other words, the nun was one of the conditions that made his encounters with others possible. That explains why he said he began to see her everywhere and that she was also part of the transformation. In the same way, those he met became “non-me” elements, part of him. He therefore said, “Every young monk and nun I encountered became a part of our love.” This means his first love has no end. As he put it: “Your first love is still present, always here, continuing to shape your life.” (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
With the insights of interbeing and non-self, we can understand why the nun “became transformed into something much more powerful.” She was no longer simply the person he had fallen in love with, but had become part of him, continuing to shape his life. His love for her continued to evolve, extending beyond one person as he supported the monastic community and served society.
Thích Nhất Hạnh’s first love reveals that, by seeing the self beyond the self and the person beyond the person, attachment can be transformed into compassion and loving kindness. He turned this love story into a Dharma teaching about transformation.
In the next article, we will continue exploring this love story and how it can deepen our understanding of the Dharma.
References
Thích Nhất Hạnh. 2008. Cultivating the Mind of Love. Berkeley, California: Parallax Press.
Related features from BDG
Thích Nhất Hạnh’s First Love Story, Part 1
Thích Nhất Hạnh’s First Love Story, Part 2
