More than 15 years ago, while I was still exploring and seeking to deepen my understanding of Thích Nhất Hạnh’s teachings, I would visit the library, find the shelves containing his books, and randomly select one to read. Once I finished a book, I would choose another, and then another. Every day after work, I spent time in the library reading his books, and during holidays or days off, I continued reading at home. (For more about how I developed my interest in his teachings and came to undertake PhD research on them, see my previous articles.*)
One day after work, I went to the library as usual and randomly picked one of his books to read. This book was called Cultivating the Mind of Love. Still standing next to the bookshelf, I turned to the first page of the first chapter. The page began with this:
She was twenty years old when I met her. We were at the Temple of Complete Awakening in the highlands of Vietnam. . . . I was twenty-four, full of creative energy, an artist and a poet. . . . As I was walking up the steps to return to the temple, I saw a nun standing there, looking out onto the nearby hills. Seeing her standing like that was like a fresh breeze blowing across my face. I had seen many nuns before, but I had never had a feeling like that. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
I was shocked when I read this half-page of the book. As I read these words, a romantic scene came to my mind: a young man falling in love with a young woman at first sight against a beautiful mountainous backdrop. The tricky thing was that it happened between a monk and a nun.
Monastics seldom talk about their own love stories. On the few occasions when I had heard monks and nuns sharing such stories, they all referred to experiences that took place before they became monastics. These were stories from their lay lives, not from within monastic life.
Now, not only did this story happen while Thích Nhất Hạnh was already a monk, but the person he loved was also a nun. That was the first time (and it remains the only time) I had encountered a story like this told by a monastic. What made it even more surprising was that it came from a renowned Zen master.
Immediately, many questions arose in my mind: What was it all about? What happened next? Was it a real story? Why did he tell us about this? I felt so curious that I could not wait to find a seat in the library and continue reading.
The beginning of the story
The 24-year-old Thích Nhất Hạnh normally lived in a temple in Saigon (now Ho Chi Minh City). He had traveled to the Temple of Complete Awakening in the highlands to teach a course on basic Buddhism and was staying there for a few days at the abbot’s request.
The 20-year-old nun normally lived in a nunnery in Hue. She was visiting her family in the highlands and was also staying at the temple. Having heard about Thích Nhất Hạnh’s course, she expected to meet him.
Love at first sight
After visiting the nearby village that day, as Thích Nhất Hạnh walked up the steps to return to the temple, he saw the nun standing there and immediately fell in love. But at that time, he did not know what those feelings were about. He only knew that he had never felt that way toward any nun he had seen before.
After they became acquainted, Thích Nhất Hạnh went back to his own room. He could not understand his feelings, which were so intense that he could not even write a line of poetry. That evening, they had dinner together in silence. After that, they shared a pot of tea and had a short conversation, during which the nun shared her monastic experiences.
The next day, they continued their daily routine. At night, Thích Nhất Hạnh finally understood his feelings: “I knew that I loved her. I only wanted to be with her—to sit near her and contemplate her.”
Caught by love
The following morning, Thích Nhất Hạnh tried to tell the nun that he loved her. However, he could not say it. He said many other things and hoped she would understand. The nun told him that she did not understand what he meant.
The next day, the nun told him that she understood. It was very difficult for them both. They struggled between love and monastic aspiration. Thích Nhất Hạnh described:
My love was like a storm, and she was being caught and carried away by the energy of the storm. She had tried to resist, but couldn’t, and she finally accepted. We both needed compassion. We were young, and we were being swept away. We had the deepest desire to be a monk and a nun—to carry forward what we had been cherishing for a long time—yet we were caught by love. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
Shared ideals
Later, they spent many hours sharing tea and discussing the Dharma. It became clear that they shared the same ideals of renewing Buddhism in Vietnam. The nun had already proposed to another nun that they establish a center for young nuns. They hoped to practice in much the same way that the monks at his temple practiced.
Thích Nhất Hạnh told her about a temple near his own that might be available. But this suggestion was not motivated solely by practical considerations. He recalled, “I was not aware that my suggestion was, in part, motivated by the desire to see her again.”
Protected by practice
Both of them had barely slept for three days. Thích Nhất Hạnh found it impossible to sleep. He said:
During many moments that night, I felt the desire to go and knock on her door and invite her to the sitting hall to continue our discussion. . . . But I resisted. Something very strong in me protected her, and me. (Thích Nhất Hạnh)
It appeared that his practice had protected them. He explained: “She was in her room like a princess, and the bodhicitta in me was the guard, protecting her. . . . Our strong desire to realize the Dharma protected us both.” (Thích Nhất Hạnh) He added that going to her room was impossible, because doing so would have destroyed everything they had been cherishing as a monk and a nun.
Separation
Two days later, Thích Nhất Hạnh went back to his own temple. No one seemed to know what had happened between them, and he had little hope of seeing her again.
After returning to his own temple, Thích Nhất Hạnh felt that he had become a different person, although his fellow monks did not notice any change. He spoke less and spent more time alone. He deeply missed the nun as he continued his studies and practice.
Reunion
One day, unexpectedly, she appeared at his temple. She and another nun moved into the nearby abandoned temple, as he had proposed, to establish a center for nuns to practice. As they worked on Buddhist studies, they often stayed together longer than necessary.
Within a few weeks, his fellow monks realized that he was in love. To his great surprise, they responded with acceptance rather than criticism. He remained deeply grateful for their understanding.
However, when the other nun living with her discovered their relationship, she could not accept it. Thích Nhất Hạnh knew that he had to resolve the situation. With no other choice, he suggested that the nun leave for Van Ho, a new Buddhist institute in Hanoi led by a nun with an open outlook. He hoped that she could continue her studies there and help promote the Buddhist renewal they had envisioned together.
The decision was painful because it meant that she would be at the other end of the country. Yet he felt that it was the only way for them to remain true to their monastic aspirations. The nun accepted his decision with complete trust.
Farewell
Both were overwhelmed by sadness. Thích Nhất Hạnh described the moment they parted: “She stood up, came close to me, took my head in her arms, and drew me close to her in a very natural way. I allowed myself to be embraced.” (Thích Nhất Hạnh) This natural gesture of farewell became the first and last physical contact between them. After that, they bowed to each other and went their separate ways.
Letters across distance
Two months after the nun left for Hanoi, Thích Nhất Hạnh received a letter saying that she had followed his instructions. Although it had been difficult for her, things were working out. He wrote back, reaffirming his love and support.
Later in 1954, the nun left Hanoi and returned to her original Buddhist institute in Huế. Thích Nhất Hạnh was relieved that she was once again in the same region of the country as he was. It meant they might be able to see each other again. As always, he wrote to her offering his full support.
Loss of contact
During this period, Thích Nhất Hạnh became deeply involved in efforts to renew Vietnamese Buddhism. However, the nun remained in Huế. He wrote many letters to her, describing these developments, offering his support, and expressing his love, but he received no reply.
In 1956, Thích Nhất Hạnh traveled to Huế. He had written to let the nun know that he was coming and assumed she would arrange to visit him. However, she never came to see him. Unable to understand the silence, he eventually discovered that she had never received his letters and did not even know that he was in Huế.
What happened next?
How is this story related to Thích Nhất Hạnh’s teachings on mindfulness, interbeing, and compassion? He said: “There is no difference between this love story and the sutras of the Buddha. Hearing the love story can help you understand the Dharma, and hearing the Dharma can help you understand the love story.” What did he mean by this? We will explore this further in my next article.
* Formative Encounters with Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Teachings and Practices, Part 1 (BDG), Formative Encounters with Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Teachings and Practices, Part 2 (BDG), and Formative Encounters with Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Teachings and Practices, Part 3 (BDG)
References
Thích Nhất Hạnh. 2008. Cultivating the Mind of Love. Berkeley, California: Parallax Press.
Related features from BDG
Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings, Part 1
Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings, Part 2
Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings, Part 3
Thích Nhất Hạnh’s Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings, Part 4
