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Sitting with Your Wounded Child

From facebook.com

I recently attended the annual “Best Year of Your Life” Summit, an online global gathering organized by wellness platform Wisdom for Life from 13–20 January. I have grown familiar with Wisdom for Life’s team of Buddhist teachers, who were among the presenters at this summit. As always, they offered timeless insights for moving forward with grace. What struck me this year was a recurring theme that did not appear to be planned but seemed to be interwoven throughout many of the talks: the healing of the inner child.

Although often associated with modern therapy, the concept finds deep resonance and practical application in the Buddhist teachings. Masters such as Thich Nhat Hanh have long taught the art of listening to, and comforting, the younger, wounded parts within us. Hearing this theme echoed so powerfully by contemporary teachers felt like tapping into the zeitgeist of our collective healing, and aligns perfectly with my own intention as I step into 2026: to parent myself with more compassion.

Vimalasara (Valerie Mason-John), a senior teacher in the Triratna Community and an international public speaker and author, pinpointed the source of our emotional hijacking with a simple question: “Whenever you react,” the non-binary teacher asked, “how old are you?” The answer, they explained, is often the age of an unresolved childhood wound.

Vimalasara. From aucklandbuddhistcentre.org

They described how “we become a manifestation of that wound.” Our body remembers the sensation, transporting us back to being six or eight years old. In that moment, “we get stuck at that age,” losing all sense of who we are and acting solely from that unhealed place.

The path isn’t about banishing these parts forever—they may always “float” in our psyche. The work is to change their “gravitational pull.” When we finally pay attention with kindness, that old signal loses its urgency. We can note its presence and let it pass. Crucially, each recurrence is not a failure, but an invitation to heal at a deeper level than before.

Vimalasara also spoke poignantly about how we hide. A “combustible” personality—quick to anger, unpredictably reactive—is often a fortress. “We see the combustion, but we don’t see what’s underneath . . . the sadness, the disconnection.” For a child, hiding (under a bed, in a fantasy, or by disconnecting from the body) was a survival strategy. As teenagers and adults, we may still seek those same altered states through distraction or addiction because the body itself doesn’t feel safe.

Vimalasara’s guidance for coming home to the body was profound in its gentleness: “We have to go slowly. . . . It can be a car crash if you get people quickly into their bodies.” The practice must be tailored: self-massage, using a fidget, or practicing the “straw breathing” technique to find a sliver of embodiment. It’s a slow, safe homecoming.

Trudy Goodman and Jack Kornfield. Image courtesy of the author

This theme of gentle connection extended beautifully into relationships through the wisdom of mindfulness teachers Trudy Goodman and Jack Kornfield. Together they addressed a vital question: How do we stay connected through a disconnection?

The answer began with radical acceptance. “We can have a disconnection, and it doesn’t have to mean the end of the world, or the end of our relationship. . . . This is a human thing that happens.” From that acceptance, space opens. We can give each other time, choose to do something fun, or simply acknowledge that we’ve both been triggered into younger selves.

Speaking to their own romantic dynamic, Goodman noted that in a rift, “We’re not in our wise teacher selves at all. . . . We’re just young humans reacting.” Simply knowing this creates a buffer. The disconnection can be “unpleasant and somewhat painful,” but it doesn’t have to be a catastrophic drama. Underneath it all, the connection of love remains. Mindfulness, the couple reminded us, widens our “window of tolerance,” allowing us to bear the tension of conflict without fracturing.

Tara Brach. From mindful.org

Finally, Buddhist teacher and author Tara Brach lifted the focus from our inner landscapes to our tumultuous world. In what she called these “shadow times” of violence, oppression, and collective trance, she called for “spiritual audacity.”

This is the courage to ask the deepest questions: Who are you? What do you really want? When we remember that our true nature is awareness and love—what Tibetan Buddhism calls the “lion’s roar”—we find an unshakable power to “go against the current” of fear and delusion.

“Our world needs us to remember who we are,” she urged. Amid the complexity, she shared a touchstone of stunning simplicity: her favorite sign at a No Kings protest in the US, held by a small boy on his father’s shoulders. It read: “Don’t be mean.”

There it was. The summit’s through-line, from the intimate to the global: Heal the wounded child within so it stops dictating your reactions. Practice gentle, embodied presence. In relationships, accept disconnection with grace. And from that foundation of inner stability, step into the world with audacious kindness.

The wisdom for life, it seems, isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who we’ve always been, with immense gentleness and fierce courage. Beneath the wounds and the noise. It’s learning, at last, not to be mean to ourselves—a revolution that starts within and radiates outward.

Nina Müller is a Mindfulness Teacher who offers online mindfulness coaching sessions. If you would like to find out more, please visit The Mindful Practice to book a complimentary consultation.

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Wisdom for Life

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