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How to handle slander and gossip

Gossiping ducks. From

Shveitta is a life coach and writes about nurturing authentic happiness. According to her, happiness is a daily habit. As with any skill, the more we practice, the better we get.

She has interviewed thousands in search of an answer to her personal question: What is happiness? She spoke with psychologists, fortune tellers, mystics, CEO’s, university professors, trash collectors, housewives, children, and anyone else who would share their ideas. Today she travels around the world sharing what she learnt.

She has written for other online publications and magazines. She holds regular talks in schools, corporations and universities. Her mission is to be MAD: To Make A Difference by making this world a happier place.


A friend asked me a question a few days ago, and I could not answer her right away. It went something like this: “What should you do if you find out that someone is slandering your name?”

I thought about it and put myself in her shoes. What would I do if I heard my name being maligned or misrepresented?


In the past I would have confronted that person and asked for an explanation or I would have gotten extremely upset, cried and tried to offer my own view point. Today I would do no such thing. Why? Because I understand that by focusing on something that does not feel good I am fanning the very fire that needs to simmer down. Confrontation or reaction will aggravate the burning flame. But suppressing that emotion will also leave me to fester.

So what am I to do? First, I need to step away from the situation and try and see the whole picture. Sometimes a good photograph appears only when taken from a distance. I need to understand that everyone wants to be happy. Sometimes, for a person to feel good about herself or himself, she or he makes others look bad.

Our world is full of contrasts: good and bad, up and down, pretty or ugly, black or white, and many other polarities. In order for someone to feel good they may need to make someone feel bad. This is extremely flawed but remains one of the ways someone can delude himself or herself into feeling better.

If I have clear understanding of who I really am, another person’s opinion will not affect me. If someone was to say that I am a male, or that I am a one eyed monster, or a three legged alien I doubt I would react. I know for a fact I am not of the male species. I could be an alien but I don’t have three legs so that is ruled out. My husband thinks I am a monster, but that is his opinion!

Because I am sure about who or what I am, the opinion of others about me will not affect me. If I doubt my own integrity or lack faith in myself, another person’s opinion will matter to me. The problem arises when we feel betrayed by our own inner selves. We feel bad when we feel that we were wrong in our judgment of another. We feel let down not so much by another but by our own inner being.

By allowing another person’s opinion of us to matter so much, we are giving away our own power. This feeling of helplessness bothers us more than the other person’s slander. No wonder we feel miserable.

Quantum physics is the branch of physics that tells us our universe is created by our conscious thoughts.  If our thoughts are dominated by thoughts of sadness, anger, confrontation, and revenge, that is exactly what will keep showing up in our lives. In order for us to move away from these toxins, we need to shift our focus towards uplifting thoughts.

Instead of dwelling on the several people who are badmouthing you, start focusing on the people who love you, who are there for you and will go the extra mile for you. If for any reason you feel alone, always remember that you really are never alone: you have your inner being with you and that inner being is always in a state of bliss.

Any negative emotion is an indication of inner misalignment and not necessarily a reflection of what is being said. Think of a time when you were feeling great about yourself, at that time even if someone said something horrible it did not leave a lasting impression, but if at anytime you were feeling horrible or low about yourself even the slightest nag was enough to severely upset you. So was it the other person’s words or your own inner state that determined your reaction?

Almost always, it is not the situation that upsets us but our interpretation of the situation based on our inner state. So next time you hear someone bad mouthing you, look within your own self and see how you see yourself. If you are feeling confident and happy, bad personal situations will not disturb you as much as it would if you were feeling unfulfilled.

Next time you hear someone bad mouthing you, just remember that they have no other way of feeling good about themselves so they have to indulge in slander and gossip just to feel good. So allow them to have their moment of joy and you rejoice in the fact that you are important enough for them to spend time talking about you. As Mark Twain said: “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about!”

Catch up on Shveitta’s happiness blog here.

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