Prometheus Books published Happy Relationships: 25 Buddhist Practices to Transform Your Connections with Your Partner, Family, and Friends by Kimberly Brown in February 2025.
First Noble Truth: All of us suffer.
Second Noble Truth: Suffering has causes and it’s not inevitable.
Third Noble Truth: We can be free from suffering.
Fourth Noble Truth: There are eight disciplines and behaviors that we can develop to gain our freedom and end our suffering known as the Noble Eightfold Path: wise speech, wise conduct or action, wise livelihood, wise mindfulness, wise concentration, wise effort, wise intention, and wise understanding.
Kimberly’s book is predicated on these Buddhist principles and traditional meditations. And while she is a practicing meditation teacher and references Buddhist practice and philosophy throughout these pages, the language she uses here is as easy for secular readers as for long-term sangha members.
Kimberly describes 25 practices, which she divides into three parts: happy partnerships; families and friendships; and (perhaps the most helpful to me) the afterword: “Where Would You Leave It?” This may be the entire point of the book. We don’t simply practice emotional intelligence for ourselves alone, but for the people in our lives and in our general community. It’s the legacy we leave—the feeling-seeds that we spend a lifetime sowing. What we leave behind when we depart this mortal coil, the imprints we leave on the people we encounter, is how we are remembered. The seeds we sow while still incarnate become our immortality and determine whether others are improved by our relationships.
For most of us, learning how to better manage our emotions is a lifelong lesson that benefits our relationships with others and affects us in ways we may not fully understand. These effects may go beyond emotional well-being and impact our physiology, as well as any karmic seeds that may be sown.
As I’ve noted many times, relationships are often an alchemical yoga conducted in a crucible. Some relationships are simply never going to lead to a tenable end result, something Kimberly addresses during her book, providing some (American) contact details for those in need. However, most of us are in relationships for the long run as a fundamental fact of being a social mammal. It is a life skill rarely taught well from an early age, so we typically have an amygdala reaction rather than a rational response. Here, though, we walk a fine line between being too thought out and being intuitive. The latter is often cited as inherently more relevant as it is in the moment, but when we are reacting from a heightened emotional state, it can be akin to throwing fuel on a fire.
Equally, we can suffer from an irrational fear of being happy. Sometimes, we fear being truly happy because we know that it might not last forever. The question “What if happiness ends?” is the uncomfortable acknowledgment of the transient nature of happiness. The anticipation of its end can overshadow the joy of experiencing it in the present, preventing us from fully embracing the moment. There’s also a concern that by acknowledging our happiness, we might somehow invite its end, that somehow we’d “jinx it.” Finally, the potential pain of losing happiness can be so daunting that it deters us from seeking or accepting it in the first place.
Kimberly has written her book in a soft and personable tone, which many readers will find comforting, and for the most part she speaks directly to us, the reader. Her method essentially incorporates loving-kindness and the Tibetan “giving and receiving” practice of tonglen without the Buddhist terminology. This makes the book likely to interest and benefit those new to Buddhism and its related concepts. By dividing the book into sections, readers can directly access the parts they need help with, which might be the best way to approach this book.
Each chapter is also filled with anecdotes as learning tools: stories of others and the author, and I don’t doubt that her own stories may be as healing for her to discuss as they are instructive for the reader. This teaching style has become a trend among authors presenting their everyday ethical compass as enlightened behavior, which can sometimes come off as self-congratulatory. This can make it more difficult to distinguish between genuine wisdom and mere self-promotion. And while such stories can be engaging and often illuminating, the frequent self-references sometimes overshadow the broader lessons that the author aims to impart, risking a sense of repetitiveness.
Many books I’ve read also suffer from a culturally, albeit well-intentioned, sanctimonious air, especially the slew of authors from the Western convert community. Kimberly just skirts this and is far from the worst I’ve read. However she has what feels to me an American audience in mind. For example, while this may work for many and has a good, grounding physicality to it, “hand on heart” during relationship issues sounds like great resolve, but it has a particularly soggy feel to it that may actively exacerbate a situation rather than resolve one. At least, it may feel overly sentimental and may not resonate with everyone. While self-love is important, we must be careful not to let the practice become self-absorbed and lacking in responsibility.
That said, these almost 200 pages are clearly laid out to cover most interpersonal relationships and their challenges, with eightfold-path-based practices that really can help. There are highlighted text bubbles of asides throughout, and the entire book is suggested as a mix and match of whichever practices feel right for the reader. And I concur that this is a wonderful way for a teacher to lead.
This is a book that should be particularly beneficial for those new to a less self-centered approach to life, and to those unaware of their behavior within their relationship dynamics. It also serves as a gentle reminder with bite-sized time-tested practices for those who need that nudge.
See more
Happy Relationships: 25 Buddhist Practices to Transform Your Connections with Your Partner, Family, and Friends (Prometheus Books)
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